Talking to Kids When They Need Help

by Lynn Schiller, Ph.D. – Public Education Coordinator for the New Jersey Psychological Association

View the entire newsletter for more articles:  2015 - NJAC County Biz - May

May 2015 NJAC County Biz - njpsychassnMay is National Mental Health Awareness Month, and NJPA is offering tips to help parents recognize the signs of mental illness and emotional distress in their children. One in five children and adolescents experiences the signs and symptoms of a mental disorder in the course of a year, according to the National Institutes of Health.

When kids experience difficulties, it’s important that they feel comfortable going to their parents or other adults for help. Some children may internalize their feelings. If something is troubling them, they may not speak up and ask for help. Sometimes, they don’t realize that help is available. As the first line of support, parents must be able to identify when their children are struggling emotionally.

Lynn Schiller, PhD, chair of the NJPA Public Education Committee, states that “it is important for parents to be on the lookout for changes in your child’s behavior and expression of their feelings.” Dr. Schiller recommends the Mayo Clinic’s warning sign list to help determine whether a mental illness may be occurring in a child (Mental Illness in children: Know the signs. Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/childrens-health/in-depth/mental-illness-in-children/art-20046577)

  • Mood changes. Look for feelings of sadness or withdrawal that last at least two weeks or severe mood swings that cause problems in relationships at home or school.
  • Intense feelings. Be aware of feelings of overwhelming fear for no reason — sometimes with a racing heart or fast breathing — or worries or fears intense enough to interfere with daily activities.
  • Behavior changes. These include drastic changes in behavior or personality, as well as dangerous or out-of-control behavior. Fighting frequently, using weapons and expressing a desire to badly hurt others also are warning signs.
  • Difficulty concentrating. Look for signs of trouble focusing or sitting still, both of which might lead to poor performance in school.
  • Unexplained weight loss. A sudden loss of appetite, frequent vomiting or use of laxatives might indicate an eating disorder.
  • Physical symptoms. Compared with adults, children with a mental health condition may develop headaches and stomachaches rather than sadness or anxiety.
  • Physical harm. Sometimes a mental health condition leads to self-injury, also called self-harm. This is the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. Children with a mental health condition also may develop suicidal thoughts or actually attempt suicide.
  • Substance abuse. Some kids use drugs or alcohol to try to cope with their feelings.

Getting kids to open up and talk can be a challenge, but the following tips can help start a conversation.

Make them feel safe. Put kids at ease so they feel comfortable opening up. It is essential to make it clear why the conversation is happening, as kids can be fearful that they may be in trouble or are being punished if they are pulled aside to talk. Parents might consider scheduling a time to talk one-on-one on a regular basis, such as a weekly lunch or after school snack.

Listen to them. Take the time to actively listen to what children have to say. Many times, all kids want is someone who will listen. Try to understand their perspective before offering suggestions. It’s not necessary to try to fix everything. In many cases the best help is to listen attentively.

Be Genuine. Try to avoid speaking from a script. Kids can tell when you’re not being genuine. Be open, authentic and relaxed to help them do the same.

Affirm and support their need for help. It’s ok for children to express sadness or anger. Normalize those feelings by telling them you’re proud of them for sharing their feelings.  Let them know how courageous it was for them to trust an adult for help. If it seems like they need more help than you can provide, consult with an appropriate professional. It might be best to start by talking to the school psychologist.

Don’t be afraid to say I don’t know. As a parent, it is ok to admit that you don’t have all the answers. However, if a child asks a question, make every effort to find an answer or someone who can help.

Dr. Schiller adds, “Often the shock of having a mentally ill child can be debilitating.  Try not to panic and know there are professionals out there to help with therapies, medication, and social service needs.  It is also critically important that parents engage in their own self-care, whether it be individual therapy or support groups.”

The New Jersey Psychological Association (NJPA) is recognized as one of the strongest state psychological associations in the country. NJPA is an indispensable network of resources for the public and media, a staunch advocate for psychologists in the state, and an influential presence helping shape mental health policies in New Jersey.  Visit us at www.PsychologyNJ.org to locate a psychologist or to find the most current news, articles, and events that may be of interest to you.  Follow us on Twitter @njpsychassn, LinkedIn, and subscribe to our quarterly newsletter!

2015 - NJAC County Biz - May
2015 - NJAC County Biz - May
2015 - NJAC County Biz - May.pdf
1.9 MB
1227 Downloads
Details